do it for passion, not for position.

This day is jst like the rest. Nothing new or exciting happening but still it is amazing that I am living breathing walking on this earth without having to pay anyone back.
With that being said.
I was thinking this morning abt my fear of being center of attention. I enjoy being left alone without making a big fuss. And I was wondering if that meant that I wasn't exactly cut out for this industry. You know the whole idea of everyone being a star. But I dnt feel lik a star.
I can only imagine what it would be like for me to put myself completelyy out ther. Not that I half ass but I keep my guard up. Try my best to do things correctly; not extraordinarily. I've never seen anything wrong with that but now I fear that my comfort will limit my success. I enjoy doing what I do but will others enjoy watching me?
(I realize the many sexual connotations in this post but Ill try my hand at maturity lol)

ive got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.

like i could make this all negative (i say like a lot sorry) but im gonna try to talk about the more positive truths i have recognized in the past hour or so:

i have this chronic problem where all i can do is fantasize about things i would like to happen instead of making them happen. but the huge factor to this problem is that there are some things tht are genuinely out of my control and i cant make them happen. and for one reason or the next those are the things that i always choose to tackle first.

so for this realization i will use the ever tacky ever cliche "let go and let god" standpoint and jst not even fall back but rly jst allow different shit to take place without controlling everything. because honestly its out of my control. nd all the effort in the world cant force anything or make anything happen for me.

so for the rest of this yr i vow to be true to myself and find happiness in the things that happen to happen for me instead of the things i make happen for me.

im still going to remain ambitious and fight for what i want but i also wanna take the time out to acknowledge and appreciate my blessings. i think it will be humbling. nd theres no better feeling than knowing youve been humbled=).

jst seen my faith at work so im going to relish in that. ok, bye for now.

#blah

HEY! wass good =). lol today was a bs day. cant rly get into the bloggin thing right now but ill try a little. i didnt get to mention in the intro how much i love online shopping so heres a preview of the two things i want right now =).

how unbelievably cute is that ginormous tee? i know its a mens tee but idc im madd small things lik that jst fit me lik dresses lol.

nd we all kno married to the mob has been my love for centuries now. well i kno lmao. yea i dnt rly have much else to discuss coz school was canceled today and i quit my job so i cant rly get into anything deep right now. but i got my paycheck wit me so which tee should i cop first???? tehe.

Introooooooo

Hello. I'm Toni. I am 18 years old. I live in Brooklyn and right now I study dance at Tisch=).

I won't lie and say I'm a nice person, because I'm not. I have my ups and downs, highs and lows. But I will say I'm a good person and you'll never meet anyone like me. When I say I can do something, it's because I can and I will. However, there are many things that I say or believe I cannot do. In 2010, I plan to challenge myself and do many of the things I thought or still think I couldn't. Apart from the challenge, I would also like to remain focused on those things in life that define me: Loving life, loving dance, loving people, and loving myself. These things are my passions and they are the only things that are important to me. If that makes me selfish or immature so be it. I am an 18 year old woman finding her way. Bear with me =). Thanks.

follow me on twitter toooo: @trendingtopic_t